Celebrating Women...for the Real World
Friday, November 18, 2005 Mommy Chuckles

On a few blogs this past week I've read a few mommy stories that just make me laugh my ass off. Not in a bad way, but more in a "been there, done that" sort of way. Not sure what I mean? Well, before you had kids, did you ever say "My child won't do such and such!" or "Why can't that mother control her child?"

Yeah, me too. I just knew my kids were going to be sweet angels who never would talk back, throw a tantrum, be a bully, or act spoiled. Boy, were my eyes opened - OFTEN!

Where am I going with this? Well, I was thinking of something that happened when my kids were younger, and it still makes me laugh, even though I'm sure the "non-parents" in my neighborhood weren't so amused. Now, you are really going to have to picture this to get the fully belly laugh this story deserves. Ready?

Setting-an upper middle class neighborhood in the making. Only about 100 houses completed and lived in of the 1400 house planned community. All lawns carefully manicured and the person in charge of enforcing the deed restrictions on constant alert ready to send a "you were a bad person" letter at the drop of a hat. It a beautiful fall Sunday late afternoon. The sun was going down, but it was not quite dusk.

Characters-3 kids (two boys with a girl in the middle) aged 9, 8 & 5. These children were clean, smart, and for the most part, well behaved children. Their wonderful mother worked very hard to make sure they were well rounded children that enjoyed a mixture of school, sports, reading, and recreation. The mother, well, she was of the anal variety. You see, it was Sunday as I said earlier. The housekeeper used to come on Monday. What was this mother doing? Cleaning up before the maid came. Now that I don't have a housekeeper, I continually try to figure out exactly what I was thinking when I did that crap.

Scene one: Three hellions (I mean angels) were outside enjoying a breath of fresh air (yelling, screaming, running, etc.) All of a sudden, oldest son comes in and says "Mom, you need to do something. Daughter is beating the crap out of son #2!" With a surprised look I ask "What do you mean son #1, your sister was letting your brother use her skates. They were playing quite nicely when I looked out a few minutes ago!"

So he says "Mom, you really need to go out there!"

So, off I go, hair flying, my yellow rubber gloves on, and dressed in my "grubbies". I look to my left-no kids there. Then I dare to look to my right. What do I see you ask? One daughter on foot with a skate in her hand chasing one son who has one skate on and one bare foot trying desperately to escape the wrath of his sister. I know I should have been horrified at what our neighbors thought, but I was to busy laughing hysterically. Picture it, one hop-a-long kid being chased by one mad daughter with a skate in her hand that may have just used that skate as a weapon should he not succumb. Then it happens. She TACKLES him on the neighbor's lawn. He's laying there helpless, flat on his stomach with his cute little "surfer cut" hair style that used to be so popular while squeezing his eyes trying not to cry while his sister is straddled on top of him, facing his feet, bending the leg with the skate on in an attempt to remove said skate. She's pulling, and pulling, and pulling. Finally, when the realization hit me that a) people were watching; b) this wasn't our yard; and c) she was pulling so hard, his foot may have come off with the skate, I stepped in and the mommy in me took over.

I brook up the fight. Got the skate off and handed it to my daughter. I gave the typical mommy lecture. Made them swear that they won't ever do anything like that again. Then told them to get their butts into the house.

As I started my assent with the required "mommy stomp", it's then that I realized, I still had on the yellow rubber gloves. I turn around to glare at my kids and what do I see? Daughter nudges son with foot with gloating face and says "I guess that will teach you not to cheat when you are borrowing my stuff!" As she turns and does the required "big sister stomp" into the house, my son in all of his cuteness "STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT AT HER!"

Every time I think of my "gimpy" running from his sister, it never fails to make me laugh until I cry!

Posted by Sheri & SuZan :: 1:56 PM :: 1 comments

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