Celebrating Women...for the Real World

Thursday, July 20, 2006 Thursday's Thoughts

I promised SuZan that I'd post something today. I had every intention to put the post together last night, but, why do today what you can put off til tomorrow.

Looking at the title, I bet you'll never guess what this post is about. What? My thoughts? Man, you guys are smart. "And why the picture?" you ask. To make you look and not run away when you saw mass amounts of text.

Anyway, I obsess, a lot, about everything. Did I say, do, think, the right thing? Could I have done it harder, smarter, easier, better? Did I offend? It's constant. No matter what I do, I never feel that it's really good enough. Some would have a field day psycho analyzing why I am the way I am; and they may be right if they look back at my upbringing (my family is crazy-that's why I love them). Long and short, I don't think it's so bad to analyze our doing, saying, coming & going-to a certain extent.

What on earth made me think to do a post about this? Well, because I was thinking, or analyzing, or whatever you want to call it. I know that, although this isn't necessarily a "mommy blog", a lot of our visitors have children. As you know, SuZan and I have teenagers. In fact, SuZan's son and my son ARE GOING TO BE SENIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL! UGH! It is now becoming a reality as it seems like the last 5 entries in my check book was something high school, more to the fact senior related. We are also going through the senior portrait process. But reality really hit when we realized, in just a few short months, our boys could commit to serving in some branch of the military! And that decision could be made entirely by them-that's it-the end! Momma and Daddy can't tell them no! Not that I have a problem with my child serving, but the fact is, this confirms their adult status!

But that's really not what I was thinking about. This made me think back to what I did at 18. Man, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. Lot's of family history that is a post (several) by itself, made me sure that, no matter what, the day I graduated high school, which just so happened to be 6 days after my 18th birthday, I was out of that house. I didn't know where I was going, what I was going to do, but I was going to be out. See, part of that history thing, my sister (5 years older) and my brother (18 years older), still lived AT HOME! With my parents! And expected my parents to support them! And BLAMED my parents for the fact that they couldn't support themselves! So I moved out, from PA to Texas, with 6 boxes of stuff-That's it! I do have family in Texas that so graciously put up with me while I got my shit together. But in Texas, it's "shit or get off the pot". If you have to work 6 jobs to pay the rent-do it! My aunt told me "you're 18, you can handle it". You know-she was right.

My life took some turns along the way-some positive, some, um, not. But I ended up getting married, getting pregnant, and by the time I was 21, I had 2 kids. But I was independent! My brother & sister-yeah, still living at home. Unfortunately for them, it took the passing of my mother and father for them to decide to get their shit straight. They occasionally try to blame mom and dad for the fact that they are not millionaires with planes and private islands at their disposal. And here comes the whole point of this post. I wrote them a long letter once and told them basically, whether what mom and dad did was right or wrong, they did what they had to. Now that I am a mother, I understand that. So many influences in life tell us we SHOULD do this, do that, live this way or that; but in reality, we have to do what we have to do. I always thought my mom and dad needed to kick my brother and sister in the arse and make them be independent. Now that I'm a mom, regardless of their actions being right or wrong, I know they did what they thought was the best to do. I used to think "tough love, mom. Come on. Tell them to get a life." Now I know what "tough love" is. And I now know why it's called "tough" love and not just love. It's very hard to be a parent and parent with your head even though your heart is telling you something different.

So now I wonder, one day when my kids have kids, what are they going to think back on and say "oh, that's why mom said or did this or that?" I wonder if they'll forgive me for my parenting mistakes simply because they will understand why things were done, or said, or not done.

My question to you-if you are a parent, do some things that your parents did suddenly make sense?

Posted by Sheri & SuZan :: 8:19 AM :: 6 comments

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